Haggling

Since I do the majority of my shopping at the local Goodwill, I have begun to recognize some of the employees. There's the young inmate with tattoos all over his neck, 27 piercings in his face, and earlobes about one inch in diameter, the woman, mid-age, with dyed brown hair and a visible history of plentiful eating, the small man that limps and glares at everything, and the old lady with short, white hair. When I first saw the older woman she reminded me of my grandmother, and I smiled in her direction every chance I got.

Having successfully chosen my purchases, I joined the queue at the white haired woman's register. 'How sweet you seem, dear old lady, I hope my youthful smile will bring joy into your dull life.'

"Hello! How are you?" I said cheerily. Her portable oxygen tank whirred in reply as she reached for the clothes on the counter. She sent me a scathing glance. I do believe my mouth fell open. A bit of dust fell from the ceiling and settled there. Silently, she rung my purchase.

One shirt. $3.99 RING!

One sweater. $3.99 RING!

"What is this?" Her harsh voice caught me off guard and made me jump. She was holding up a thigh-length, shoulder pad implanted, jacket spangled with large yellow flowers.

"Uh," I fumbled. "A jacket?" 'It's the most beautiful piece of sewn artistry I have ever encountered.'

She frowned and turned it over in her hands. "Is it a jacket? Or is it a coat?" Her eyes pierced mine. "They're different prices you know." Our gazes locked as her retnas burned themselves into my brain to see from which rack I had gotten it.

'I beg of you, do not release your wrath upon me!' I began to sweat. "Oh, well I'm not really sure. I realize it's long, but it is more of a jacket."

She squinted at it.

I dug deep in my gut for my voice. 'You should not charge me that extra dollar, I'm obviously shopping here because I don't have the extra dollar to spend.' "You see the thinness?" I squeaked. My salivary glands had ceased production. "It's not really a coat, I think."

She sniffed. "I suppose." $4.99

I bade her a good day (to which she did not reply) and rushed out the door, panting.